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Taking a look into what causes conflict can help us understand this phenomenon even more.
Hence, let us take into consideration the common sources of conflict. In this manner, we can address other aspects of the question (“what is conflict?”) posed.
What are the factors that make conflict arise? For the purpose of this discussion, let us put into attention the three main sources of conflict as proposed by American psychologist Daniel Katz. According to him, conflict arises primarily due to these three:
Economic conflict is brought about by a limited amount of resources. The groups or individuals involved then comes into conflict to attain the most of these resources, thus bringing forth hostile behaviours among those involved.
Value conflict is concerned with the varied preferences and ideologies that people have as their principles. Conflicts driven by this factor are demonstrated in wars wherein separate parties have sets of beliefs that they assert (in an aggressive manner at that).
Power conflict occurs when the parties involved intends to maximise what influence it has in the social setting. Such a situation can happen among individuals, groups or even nations. In other types of conflict, power is also evident as it involves an asserting of influence to another.
Conflict comes naturally; the clashing of thoughts and ideas is a part of the human experience. It is true that it can be destructive if left uncontrolled. However, it shouldn’t be seen as something that can only cause negative things to transpire.
It is a way to come up with more meaningful realisations that can certainly be helpful to the individuals involved.
These positive outcomes can be reached through an effective implementation of conflict resolution. Conflict can be seen as an opportunity for learning and understanding our differences. We can all live harmoniously despite conflicts as long as we know how to responsibly manage these struggles.
Conflict is often inevitable in many situations. They may concern petty ones to the more serious ones which can lead to hostility among individuals. The fact of the matter is, conflict is something that we live with. You cannot expect two people or groups to agree all the time. In one way or another, we are faced with many types of conflict in our day to day lives. However, conflict should not be seen as purely negative. It can become an opportunity for better things and open up opportunities, if dealt with properly. It isn’t as easy as it seems though. Hence, this is where conflict resolution comes in.
The initial question would concern what conflict resolution is. What is it anyway? It actually is an end which has been brought about by conflict management. It is seen as a peaceful solution to individuals and groups that are in conflict. There are a lot of means and strategies involved in dealing with conflict, and all of these aim to come up with a resolution to it.
Resolving a conflict may take time and this will ultimately depend on its scale. Hence, a person who intends to acts as a mediator to parties in conflict need to have skills and know the strategies necessary to resolve conflict. There are even available trainings for those who intend to acquire these skills.
Oftentimes, when we find ourselves in conflict with other people, we seem to get into a regressive and aggressive state. In such a case, we tend to become irrational and just unreasonable so that we could get out of the conflict based on what we deem is right. This kind of behaviour is quite understandable but it shouldn’t be something to be tolerated. Hence, it is important for the parties involve to pay attention to how a conflict can come to an end in a healthy manner. In line with this, there are ten strategies for conflict resolution shared to us by the Kansas Department of Health and Environment which you could check through this link. The strategies stated on the link would be efficient guidelines to anyone who needs to be guided on how conflict should be dealt with.
Conflict is a concept familiar to most of us. Hence, we are aware of the consequences that it can cause if it is mishandled. Thus, knowing how to go around a conflict by efficiently implementing conflict management is important for it to be resolved. Keep in mind that with the resolution of conflict comes an opportunity for growth, may it be personally or professionally.
Resolving Conflict
Conflict resolution is the process in which two or more parties work towards a solution to a problem or dispute. The issue negatively affects one party or multiple and has escalated to the point where it needs to be addressed. Participants are then required to work together to produce a common agreement that resolves the issue. Considering the fact that we as individuals have different points of view, there will always be instances when misunderstandings will occur among us.
With the arising of these intractable conflicts comes the need for conflict management. Even in seemingly ordinary situations, conflict may be rooted by other non-apparent reasons. Understanding the other sides of the issue would allow those involved to come up with an ideal resolution to the problem.
The ability to resolve conflict in the workplace is a valuable skill to have. When workplace conflict is not managed efficiently this can lead to disastrous repercussions.
Habitual clashes and recurring conflict in the workplace is a recipe for disaster. Employer- employee resentments create office politics and unpleasant workplace atmospheres. It is important to find simple ways to conflict resolution in order to promote a healthy employment environment. When faced with conflict, employees are faced with a notion to either fight or flight.
Yes, our innate reaction to any threatening situation is either to stay and defend ourselves or run like the wind. Conflict in the workplace is destructive and isolating. No one likes to get involved in complicated work conflicts.
The best thing to focus on when faced with resolving conflict in the workplace is your main objective and the relationship at stake. How important is your goal and to what lengths are you willing to go in order to achieve this. Similarly, consider the relationship with the person you are conflicting with.
Tips to Conflict Resolution
Accept conflict. Remember that conflict is natural and happens in every ongoing relationship. Since conflict is unavoidable we must learn to manage it. Conflict is a sign of a need for change and an opportunity for growth, new understanding, and improved communication. Conflict can not be resolved unless it is addressed with the appropriate individual(s).
Be a calming agent. Regardless of whether you are being a sounding board for a friend, colleague or you are dealing with your own conflict, your response to the conflict can escalate or decrease the intensity of the problem. To be calming, provide an objective or neutral point of view. Help plan how you are going to work with the other party to achieve resolution.
Don't jump to the defence.
In any conflict, whether it be professional or personal, it's easy to jump to the defence. Your banter might include a series of "no's" and "yes, but" statements that show that you're unable to see another perspective.
Rather than getting defensive about an attack on your argument, take it as an opportunity to see things from a different point-of-view. You don't have to agree with that person, but you can try to understand where they're coming from. Just as you have your opinion, they have theirs, and refusing to hear their point of view creates an impossible scenario to navigate.
Instead, change those "yes, but" statements into "I understand, and" statements that build off one another, rather than tearing each other down.
Don't point fingers.
On the opposite side, jumping on the offensive is also disrespectful and creates a negative foundation where a final solution is often hopeless.
Don't put blame on others or create a space in which someone feels unsafe to voice their opinion. The best way to solve a conflict is by allowing each person to frame their argument without being blamed or shut down. After all, you wouldn't appreciate the same being done to you, either.
Let the person explain themselves, and actively listen.
Listening is a huge aspect of conflict resolution that's typically overlooked. Your goal is often to get your voice in as much as possible so you can explain every little detail of your argument and try as hard as you can to get the opposing party to see your side.
Instead, let the other person explain themselves, uninterrupted. You may find that you misinterpreted their original argument and you'll be more equipped to handle compromising or collaborating on a new solution when you've taken the time to listen, think, and plan.
Use "I" statements.
Similarly to pointing fingers, a series of statements that begin with "you" clearly come off as blaming. Conflict isn't about what the other person is doing wrong; it's about what you believe you're doing right.
Thus, using "I" statements, such as "I feel like I'm not getting the chance to explain myself" rather than "You're not listening to me" can totally transform your conversation. These sentences will make your argument more about your emotions, opinions, personal beliefs, and morals, rather than about all the things you don't like about the opposing party. No one can disagree with something you believe or standby, and it makes for a more respectful debate.
Please Maintain a calm tone.
No effective conflict resolution was ever born from anger and tears. You need to remain level- headed in order to think rationally about a solution that appeases both parties.
Wait until you've let out your emotions before you plan a time to meet and discuss with the opposing party. You're allowed to yell, cry, vent, or whatever else you need, but do it on your own time. When you enter the conflict resolution meeting, you should be calm and ready to debate with consideration for differing perspectives.
Show a willingness to compromise or collaborate.
Depending on the situation, other conflict management styles may be more effective. For smaller, trivial conflicts, avoiding them may make sense. An accommodating style may work when the other party seems to care much more about the solution than you do.
And, a competing style could be the choice when there is limited time to make a decision and you simply need to put your foot down.
However, in most other significant conflicts, it's essential to come to some sort of agreement between both parties. Thus, you sometimes need to let go of your pride and your grip on your argument. Show the opposing party that, as much as you care about the conflict and about your side, you care more about coming to a solution that pleases everyone and has the necessary impact.
Don't talk behind people's backs.
What happens between you and the opposing party should stay between you and them, unless its absolutely necessary to divulge the details of your conflict. Conflict resolution should always be built on honesty with one another and trust that what was said will remain secret.
While you may sometimes have the urge to vent, consider other options to do so that won't affect the reputation of that person. You could write out your feelings in a journal or talk to someone who has no ties to that person and keep their name anonymous. This way, you can protect the privacy of the conversation.
Don't take anything personally.
A conflict with a customer or team member is typically not a conflict with you, personally. It usually involves your professional role or something that occurred to or with you. Thus, a conflict that emerges is never an attack on you.
Many people get defensive or upset or refuse to budge on an argument because they cling to their viewpoint as a part of themselves. If you can learn to separate yourself from the conflict, it will be a lot easier to accept compromise or a collaborated solution that is, at the end of the day, better for all parties involved.
Pay close attention to nonverbal communication.
Not everyone is great at handling conflict head-on. These are the people who might typically lean towards avoiding or accommodating as their conflict management styles. Basically, these people don't like conflict and won't always be transparent with you about what they want or need. In these situations, it's important to pay attention to their nonverbal communication.
Body language can tell you when someone is saying one thing but means another. By being emotionally aware, you can notice when someone's posture, gestures, or facial expressions differ from their words. When someone says "I'm fine," you can tell they're not fine if they avert their eyes. Then, you can create an environment that makes that person feel more comfortable being honest with you.
Prioritise resolving the conflict over being right.
A conflict in the workplace is typically one that involves more than just yourself. Perhaps it's a frustrating call with an angry customer or an issue with a policy change implemented by your manager. Whatever it may be, the situation goes beyond you.
Thus, when you're trying to resolve the conflict, you might need to take a step back and assess the situation in such a way. Recognise that, even if you have a strong opinion on one end of the spectrum, it might be beneficial to wave the white flag if it ultimately improves the conditions for everyone else. Conflict resolution is occasionally about making those sacrifices.
Know when to apologise and forgive.
Two of the hardest words to say are, "I'm sorry." It's not easy to apologise when you feel like you were right all along. Don't let your stubborn attitude and pride deter you from making amends with the opposing party.
In an instance when the party might be responsible for apologising to you, you may feel so riled up about comments they made that you don't think you can forgive them. However, these relationships are professional, first. Put aside your personal annoyances and forgive that person. This will make for a healthier relationship moving forward.
Focus on the conflict at hand and not past ones.
In attempting to resolve a conflict, you may start getting frustrated with the other person. This can bring up memories of past conflicts you've had with that person. And, in the heat of the moment, it can feel like the perfect time to bring those up, too.
I like to consider a 48-hour rule. If a conflict emerges or there's something that bothers you about someone else, you should reach out and ask to discuss it within 48 hours. Once that time frame has passed, you should let it go. So, any pent-up frustrations about past conflicts that were never resolved should not be brought up later on when trying to resolve a different conflict. The time has passed, and it's important to remain in the present.
Use humour, when appropriate.
Using humour to lighten the mood during conflict resolution is only appropriate in conflicts that are not personal. You never want to offend someone by making a joke about something that is a sensitive topic.
Instead, consider this to be a tool to make you both loosen up and feel more comfortable discussing a solution. Read the opposing party, and use your best judgment to decide if humour is something they would appreciate. Sometimes, that's all it takes to end an argument and turn it into a constructive conversation.
Remember the importance of the relationship.
At the end of the day, a conflict is usually one small roadblock in an, otherwise, healthy relationship. While you may not necessarily be friends with that person, you probably aren't usually butting heads.
How far are you willing to go to protect your argument? Are you willing to ruin a relationship over it? If not -- which, hopefully, is never the case except in very serious circumstances -- then breathe and take it as it goes. In most cases, you won't even remember the conflict after some time has passed. So, learn to put your relationships first. That will create a more collected and respectful conflict resolution process.
Model neutral language.
When people are in conflict they use inflammatory language such as profanity, name calling, and exaggerations that escalate the conflict. Restate inflammatory language in a more objective way to help make the information less emotionally laden and more useful for future discussions.
Analyze the conflict. This will help clarify the specific problem. Some questions that you may ask are:
• What triggered the conflict?
• Who are you angry with?
• What are you not getting that you want?
• What are you afraid of losing?
• Is your conflict/anger accurate or over exaggerated?
• How can your conflict be resolved?
Separate the person from the problem.
View the problem as a specific behaviour or set of circumstances rather than attributing negative feelings to the whole person. This approach makes the problem more manageable and hopeful than deciding you “can’t stand” this person any longer.
Work together.
This requires that each person stop placing blame and take ownership of the problem. Make a commitment to work together and listen to each other to solve the conflict.
Agree to disagree.
Each person has a unique point of view and rarely agrees on every detail. Being right is not what is important. When managing conflict, seeking the “truth” can trap you rather than set you free.
For example, consider the differing testimony of witnesses that all see the same car accident. Truth is relative to the person’s point of view.
Focus on the future.
In conflict we tend to remember every single thing that ever bothered us about that person. People in conflict need to vent about the past but they often dwell on the past. Often the best way to take ownership of the problem is to recognise that regardless of the past, you need to create a plan to address the present conflict and those that may arise in the future.
“Move past positions.”
A position is the desired outcome of a conflict. Often the position is “I need a new roommate” or “This person is impossible to live with.” Positions are not negotiable and result in impasse. To resolve conflict, each person has to “move past positions.”
Share your interests.
To solve interpersonal conflict, all parties must talk about their interests or the WHYs behind their positions. They must share their true interests and work together to find a solution that satisfies those interests. Common interests for students are to sleep, study, entertain and relax in a comfortable atmosphere. Often their interests are more intangible such as respect, belonging, friendship, and fun. When individuals have differing lifestyles, values, and schedules the need to discuss their differences is critical in managing conflict. You must develop a balanced plan of give and take that satisfies everyone’s interests.
Be creative.
Finding a resolution to the problem that satisfies everyone requires creativity and hard work. Be careful not to give in simply to avoid conflict or maintain harmony. Agreements reached too early usually do not last. Generate silly options to begin thinking “outside of the box” of original positions.
Be specific.
When problem solving be very specific. For example if you are using a roommate agreement to facilitate the discussion make sure that everyone fully understands each point that is written down. Clarify ambiguous terms that each person may interpret differently.
Maintain confidentiality.
Encourage others who are in conflict to deal directly with the person they are in conflict with. Avoiding the conflict and venting to others tends to escalate the conflict and fuels the rumour mill. If rumours are already part of the conflict, encourage them to work out a plan to put an end to the gossip. Do your part to quell rumours.