Being your best self doesn’t mean that you have to change how you do things, but it usually means that adapting some of your behaviours will help you get even better results.

In fact, a willingness to develop yourself is a fundamental part of coaching – but are some people unable to change? You probably know people who’ve made major changes in their lives yet appear to have ultimately reverted to their old behaviour. Examples are the smoker who quits for a decade and then suddenly starts again or the calm and controlled individual who reverts to anger after years of managing their unhelpful emotions. This seems to be pretty discouraging evidence that a leopard never changes its spots!

The process of change is often tough and challenging. However, even repeated relapses into old behaviour patterns do not in any way mean that you are unable to change. Indeed, every fresh attempt simply provides new information about what’s working and what’s not, so you get ever closer to lasting change. Think of the legend of Thomas Edison and the invention of the light bulb – it’s believed he made close to 10,000 attempts, and he still refused to see any of them as proof that he couldn’t succeed, choosing to regard each ‘failure’ as a step closer to success by eliminating what wasn’t going to work.

Fundamentally, the essence of you never changes. Alcoholics Anonymous works on the premise that someone may always be an alcoholic, but that they always have the power to change their behaviour so that they do not live as an alcoholic. Although this might seem depressing on the face of it, it’s a pretty encouraging fact – you can choose your best life and be your best self and that’s when your real strength shines through.

Start to think of the change process a little differently. See yourself adding new habits rather than fighting to eradicate old, unhelpful ones. Anyone who has ever successfully lost weight will tell you that simply cutting out favourite foods only goes so far, whereas building regular exercise into your schedule not only promotes weight loss but also cuts down on the times when you’re available to snack on unhealthy foods (unless you are very adept at slurping ice-cream while you’re on the treadmill!).

Think of your state of mind when you choose to do something that is positive, enjoyable, and easy for you. Then think of the opposite of that – the feeling of deprivation you get when you’re trying really hard to kick a bad habit. The truth is that doing something is almost always more enjoyable than stopping something.

As you open your mind to choosing new behaviours rather than stifling old ones, you begin to want to choose the new, empowering behaviours over any old, destructive habits that have been restricting you from living your best life.