Personal Development: Focusing on Outcomes

Being self-aware allows you to see the results of your life objectively and in perspective. You may have a tendency to label certain events that happened to you ‘good’ or ‘bad’ based on how you felt about them at the time. In reality, events are mixed, and you even change how you feel about them over time. For instance, you may look back and smile about an embarrassing first date where you seemed to say all the wrong things, although at the time you wanted the ground to swallow you up.

The following activity gets you to think differently about some significant events in your life to practice getting curious about the outcomes of your actions.

Think of some events in your life that were significant for you. Start by considering an event that has happy associations for you and where you got a result that pleased you. Perhaps passing an exam, getting a promotion, accepting a job offer, or taking a trip abroad. Ask yourself the following questions:

Were there any results from this action that was less than satisfactory?
What other options did I rule out for myself by the action that I took?

Now repeat the exercise with an event that didn’t turn out well for you. Maybe a poor performance at a meeting, failing your driving test, or even a relationship ending. Ask yourself:

What came out of this experience that turned out to be good?
What did I learn from the experience that has stood me in good stead?

since?

Curiosity never killed anyone – not even the cat. Thinking about the choices you make in your life in a curious way doesn’t mean that you always have regrets that your actions can never produce 100 percent good results. It does mean that you begin to relax, knowing that whatever choice you make, you always open up for yourself the possibility to choose again and perhaps choose differently. When you focus on outcomes you find that you automatically start to become interested in the puzzle, curious about how it’s going to be solved, and fascinated by the new end result. This is a great state to be in because it’s almost always a better way of getting the answers you need than agonizing that you messed things up – and it’s certainly a lot more fun.

Become more curious in your own life. Stand back a little as if you were a benevolent observer and take a look more often at what’s really going on for you.

Focusing on the results or outcomes of your life is a great technique of life coaching. What happens when you do it? Lots of positive things:

You take the emotion out of things for a while. It’s like being your own best friend – you’re interested and engaged but not self-obsessed about the highs and lows of your life.
You get to play detective in your life, looking for clues and trends that help you build up a picture to guide you.
You start to see your life as a whole – a constantly changing balance sheet, where your assets and liabilities shift around and develop. You realize that, as in the corporate world, even going out of business for a while doesn’t stop you from refinancing and getting back in the game.
You discover surprises and make connections that are simply not possible when you’re intent on adding up your running scores as if you were sitting the final exam for passing your life.
You begin to realize that many possible interpretations of events exist and you can see the right solutions when you open yourself up to changing your perspective.

Talk to people you know who have to use and develop curiosity in their jobs and professions. Thinking like a scientist, inventor, detective, or trouble-shooter can add intriguing dimensions to how you approach the big issues in your own life. How do these different job roles employ curiosity? How can you find ways to harness these methods of discovery in your life?

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