Getting feedback from others is a powerful shortcut to building your confidence. Apart from performance reviews at work, you may not be in the habit of asking people to give you feedback on how you’re doing, and you may be amazed at what you learn about yourself by doing so. Quite often people don’t recognise what they do well. ‘Isn’t everyone good at that?’ they ask. Most people are their own worst critic, and it can be a wonderful experience to receive positive feedback from your nearest and dearest. Having that outside view from another person may help you notice what you excel at and uncover some hidden talents.

Ask six people who have known you a while if they’d be prepared to give you some feedback about yourself. Choose people who represent the different groups in which you mix, including family members, friends, work colleagues, and those who know you from your interests in the community, church, or a sports club. Ask each of them these questions:

• What am I good at?
• When have you seen me operate at my best? 
• What should I do more of?
• What should I do less of?
• What can you rely on me for?
• Where do you think I can stretch myself?

After collecting feedback, look for the common trends and themes and think of ways to build them into your goals and development plans. If a number of people tell you similar things, it’s likely there’s some truth in the message and worth taking notice of. (The odd negative comment from your nearest and dearest may be less helpful and more about their needs than yours – test it out.) Your attention then needs to be on working with the good stuff, stretching yourself, and letting go of the rest. For example, if you have a particular talent, look for ways to tell others about it and use it more. Consider delegating or changing the things people suggest you should do less of.

Feedback is just someone’s opinion. The point of feedback is to take what you can from it in the way that’s right for you. Listen to it, take what supports you in building your confidence, and let the rest go.